Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel
On desire in long relationships, and why closeness and eroticism so often pull against each other.
resources
Things I'd point you toward.
A short, growing list of books, organisations, and helplines I often recommend, useful whether or not we ever work together. These lean UK and international; I tailor them to wherever you're based.
reading
The Ethical Slut, Easton & Hardy
A practical, non-judgemental classic on open and non-monogamous relating.
Revolting Prostitutes, Mac & Smith
Sex workers' rights, argued clearly and politically, for clients and allies both.
The Body Keeps the Score, van der Kolk
A widely-read account of how trauma lives in the body, and how recovery can begin.
organisations & support
COSRT
The professional body for sexual and relationship therapists, useful for understanding the field and checking anyone's credentials.
Kink Aware Professionals (NCSF)
An international directory of clinicians who work with kink and non-monogamy without pathologising it.
SWARM
A sex worker-led collective offering solidarity, information, and mutual support.
Rape Crisis
Specialist support for survivors of sexual violence and abuse. I'll point you to the right service for where you are.
These are starting points I trust; I'll always help you find the right local service for your situation.
if you need someone now
Samaritans · 116 123
Free, any time, in the UK and Ireland, for anyone struggling to cope.
Emergency services
If you're at immediate risk, contact your local emergency number or nearest emergency department.